In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl
#14
I like the changes. The poem is tighter, more concise. I think the repeat of the first conversation with everyone else in the coffee shop is much clearer. My only concern is the repeat of "The Coffee Shop Girl" in line 4. It is too wordy and too close to line 3. I'd consider changing it to "her."
Reply


Messages In This Thread
In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by b.abraham - 10-07-2014, 08:47 AM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by just mercedes - 10-07-2014, 10:50 AM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by just mercedes - 10-07-2014, 02:48 PM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by simmon - 10-07-2014, 07:57 PM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by Muggler - 10-09-2014, 12:28 AM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by billy - 10-09-2014, 01:59 AM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by noname - 11-10-2014, 12:15 PM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by alatos - 02-22-2015, 02:02 AM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by kreichert - 02-22-2015, 08:01 AM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by SameName - 03-02-2015, 12:05 PM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by Hitler - 04-01-2015, 04:15 PM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by bena - 04-06-2015, 07:05 AM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by Todd - 04-07-2015, 05:36 AM
RE: In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl - by YolaSm - 05-07-2015, 06:55 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!