Ones and Zeros (Warning: Sexual Subject Matter)

[tectak]

Thank you Brownlie and Tectak! I think there is a major flaw in my writing of this poem, the flaw being that the poem is written about two men having sex, and I'm not too sure that this was conveyed at all.

I tried to show the homosexuality through the words "yellow masquerade icon," which is the app display for Grindr, a hookup app for gay men, but this requires previous knowledge most people don't have, should I simply name Grindr?

This was also my reason behind the use of the word "latent," as many closeted men would hide the app in one of the folders on your iPhone. This was also the explanation for my decision not to include any blatant sexuality, as the character is intended to be closeted and therefore uncomfortable in many ways with said sexuality. The word "mixed, 20, top" is the Grindr description for the other man: mixed race, 20 years old, and a top (Gay lingo for the person penetrating).

Also the binary code does translate to an apostrophe, I'm glad someone catched that. Apostrophe's often show possession, which is the feeling this gay character was supposed to feel as a "bottom" (The receiver).

I must have accidentally deleted the word "first" out of the third line, which was the reason the grunt was forced. The first time for gay "bottoms" is actually very painful, and therefore most grunts of joy are forced. This is also the reason I included "socially acceptable," as this implies more uneasiness with sexuality and difficulty dealing with one's masculinity as a gay "bottom," the more feminine position in much of the world's minds.

Finally, there is supposed to be some sense that this encounter is mechanical, the narrator is very human, but the other man is inhuman. Sadly, this is the way the narrator is losing his virginity.

I probably should have made this more clear, does this solve some of your issues?

 
The first grunts for joy being forced is worth communicating clearly. 

Hello,
your  explanatory enthusiasm makes the poem much weaker. There is far too much which you failed to  convey. With this degree of divergence from  clarity one could almost believe it was a new look at Mary had a Little Lamb.
I can get some vindication of my own thinking,  that  is  my observation that you write out of character  from the divulged subject matter, but would suggest that if you wish to write from experience in first person, then it is vital to avoid obscurity or "inside"  jargon otherwise you limit your audience to those who are titillated or stimulated by the sexual veracity . If, on the other hand, you wish to expand the knowledge of iron virgins you must write with clarity of purpose.
Best,
tectak