Weaving in the Dark

[ABennett]

It all came gushing out…

A strong and steady flow

of all the years I tucked beneath Are "all the years" really "gushing out"? Are they the "strong and steady flow" for that matter? This needs some clarification. While I can see what you mean just by inferring, making the reader guess doesn't add to the poem if you ask me.

a blanket made of woe. I thought this was bordering on being a cliché. It's just too melodramatic for my tastes and I think juxtaposes if not makes a mocker of the emotion later in the poem. I understand you are working within the confines of a rhyme scheme and somewhat strict meter, but I think you can come up with something more original if you work at it.

And though they hardly spilled, Try not to start sentences with conjunctions if they have no relation to the previous sentence. Granted doing so is a bit of a universal bad habit that our language (particularly spoken language) has adopted, but in an art form like poetry we only want the best use of language!

I’m sure I didn't know

the drops that sailored down my cheeks Typo? I've ever heard of the word "sailored" and I'm quite sure it isn't a word.

would never ever go! Unnecessary exclamation. Use exclamations sparingly in poetry because they give a kind of pomposity that typically doesn't fit the mood of poems these days. Unless of course you're doing a sort of pastiche in an old style.

I knew him like a verse I'm not sure that "I knew him" is needed, and might even confound this stanza. Maybe "He was like a verse..." is a better fit?

tattooed across my bones,

his words would charge and bruise my flesh:

a hurricane of stones! Unnecessary exclamation (see above).

I wish I could have said

by means of sighs and moans,

he never fucked me quite as right

as did the tailor, Jones! No need for a comma after tailor, unless the speaker in the poem is talking to someone named Jones. There is also another unnecessary exclamation.

And now I'm all alone Conjunction at the beginning of a new sentence. This one isn't as bad, but I still find it unnecessary.

curved inside his eye

Good-bye, good-bye,

good-bye, good-bye!


Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye! Probably more than enough uses of "Good-bye".

Overall I'm intrigued by this poem. Looking back at it I'm beginning to wonder if it is supposed to be a metaphor for someone weaving a blanket? It's definitely vague enough that it's a possibility, but if that is what you're trying to convey I think you could go about it in a less ambiguous way. If it is intended to be read more literally, as I did when compiling my comments above, try clearing up the hazy language. Make it so that we as readers are set in the speaker's mind instead of floating between seemingly unrelated subjects and images that are merely strung together. Good start!