Daddy

[Magnum]

Although a bit too wordy for me, I liked the presentation as a new twist on trying to say what a bad man your daddy was. I lost myself at times trying to decipher some of your meanings, but I do know what you're trying to say. A re-write would be good.


Remember that this is not your writing. Ask yourself what the author wants to achieve and how best that goal can be met within the existing framework of the piece. Do not attempt to impose your own style on another writer; a good reviewer will in fact impose the writer’s style on him/herself for the duration of the critique.

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