Daddy

[mongolfiere]

I really like the story behind this piece and I think you have a couple lines that are really good. However, I had a problem reading it because of the lack of periods. I was very confused about where one thought ended and another began. Instead of reading it with feeling, it was kind of all one long sentence. Another issue for me was I felt very nonchalant reading this piece. Phrases like "yeah, daddy" make it seem like a casual conversation rather than one fueled by sadness or contempt. I would like to be more convinced that the person actual loved the father instead of having to wait until the gun is revealed to realize the actual weight of the emotion.

Other than those few things, I feel like you have a great story here. Keep up the good work!

- mongolfiere