02-16-2015, 06:06 AM
Warning: I'm a schlub.
(02-16-2015, 04:12 AM)Deadrise Wrote: An ancient creature hunts a stagnant slough, - This line seems pretty good as far as meter goes.
His eyes of onyx peer into the pool - The meter seems ok here, but eyes of onyx is padding or inverted or whatever one chooses to call it. His onyx eyes saves you a syllable, at the very least.
in search of scattered quarry veiled from view.
In time his patient stalking brings reward,
His prey by movement gives itself away.
Prepared his neck contorts in reflex mode,
one more primeval contest to behold.
At once interrupted spooked by a noise
the creature wary throats an ominous noise,
a gos a kraak brfore he flies away.
This poem was composed with the intent of learning meter.