monotone mandatory

[cidermaid]

Hey Bunx,
This one mostly works for me.
 I got a poignantly reflective picture of lost friendship or perhaps the death of a friend from this.
A few notes from my read on this.

monotone mandatory

Sorry,
my thrill has escaped me.  I like the opener. I has a brittle tone to the voice which sets up the rest of the poem niecly for me.

I've been here before,
with other people at a different time.
Actively skeptical of things that can unwind.   didn't think you needed the can .  i know it subtly changes the constuct of this but would be my preferance.

I have to be weary of good opportunities.   Again here would make it more clipped and change to i'm.
Excitement leads to tragedy, then my world   perhaps consider dropping then my world down a line.  Felt the abruptness of tradgedy as a end word was stronger and less obvious than will stop on a line.  also perhaps change to a simple statement of my world will stop.
will stop.

Often, I try to remember kid I use to be.   the kid
Seems distant as if reflecting on an old friend;   (not sure you need this line, has already been infered by the above)
a young man with passion and direction.
No limits to his potentials end.   use of end is a little odd here.


That seemed like lives ago.
Before I felt the need leave my home.

It was then that life changed.
A doctor informed me that 
my reality had become unique.   for me this whole stanza felt unneeded.

Everything I thought was happening
could be critiqued.   really like this line.

Now that I am grown   like it better without - felt a bit cliched.
my mood is stable,
I speak in a monotone pitch. 

Like a man who has earned but not reaped. 
Constantly retrying to earn his keep.   Again a good line.


So I am sorry that your enthusiasm is not shared,   Like this stanza but the first line feels a bit wordy.
because I always got to be prepared.
To lose all the moments we have fared.

Until then, I trust you'll understand
that I must do what I can.

So that you will not disappear 
like another lost friend.   Great close.

Sorry I have got a bit carried away perhaps for this forum, but this is because it has actually said something to me.
good write.  all the best AJ.