She Falls

[ellajam]

Damn you for making me read this multiple times, horrific but effective. Here are some notes.

A german shepherd, wallows through filth. Filth seems too nonspecific, you might cut this line altogether and add "on filth" but something better to the next line.
she walks on top,
with paws cut by the edges of Coca-Cola cans, "the edges" seems wordy and bland, maybe teeth.
just enough drink to make them sticky.
Her paws bleed;
her blood is carbonated. Fine line.

The same shepherd, wallows through the same filth, Again, she indulges would do for me.
indulging in its variegation:
of color and ingredients.
She shovels and pulls and pushes all.
The bags are full of no-name candy corn. Some bags? I have a problem with variegation and then the bags seeming to be the same.
Her vomit is sucrose. Again, fine final line.

She slips down the side of one trash heap,
sliding on broken compact discs and Not a fan of the break on "and".
scrap metal.
The metal grinds against her already Strong image.
bleeding feet, immobilizing her, beside the trash heap.
She rusts over like a discarded hammer.  I could go for "immobilized, she rusts".

A german shepherd,
with color and tastes and carbon dioxide
coursing through her system,
is curled beside the heap.
She is shaking with color and taste and air:
dying
in the waste of humanity.

She lays there, breathless. The move from shaking to breathless is suitably awful.
She is covered in Pringles cans,
and disguised by stained prom dresses.
Another dog paces at the top of the heap,
smelling the air of danger.
She turns back too quickly.
She slips and falls beside her deceased sister.

Hope this helps.