02-11-2015, 08:46 PM
This poem was unique and unusual to me. It was a fun read for the most part but it borderlined being simply a rambling when i read it. Not that it was bad, I just personally had difficulty grasping your message. Things didn't seem to stroll together well then all the sudden boking like a chicken comes in and thats where you just kinda lost me lol.
As for the write, i enjoyed the rythem i was able to read it and follow it just fine. I enjoy your breaks i enjoy your diction and i especially enjoyed your word choice. The only things i would work on (if i was writing) is maybe clarifying my points alittle better and keeping things contained and well transitioned. Such as, if im boking like a chicken, the whole poem is about boking like a chicken instead of just a one stanza.
You have alot of interesting things here but it was hard for me as a reader to really correlate them together. I kinda want to read a revise of this if you ever do it. See what you make with it. What i get from it is just a simple description of a day or a morning that is going on in a family. With some added interesting mockery.
A piece of advice i was given is, poetic devices and artistic qualities are good, but too much makes it gaudy. I felt like this one was gaudy (i am guilty of this too) as in, it jumped all over the place to me and didn't really sit in one solid thought.
As for the write, i enjoyed the rythem i was able to read it and follow it just fine. I enjoy your breaks i enjoy your diction and i especially enjoyed your word choice. The only things i would work on (if i was writing) is maybe clarifying my points alittle better and keeping things contained and well transitioned. Such as, if im boking like a chicken, the whole poem is about boking like a chicken instead of just a one stanza.
You have alot of interesting things here but it was hard for me as a reader to really correlate them together. I kinda want to read a revise of this if you ever do it. See what you make with it. What i get from it is just a simple description of a day or a morning that is going on in a family. With some added interesting mockery.
A piece of advice i was given is, poetic devices and artistic qualities are good, but too much makes it gaudy. I felt like this one was gaudy (i am guilty of this too) as in, it jumped all over the place to me and didn't really sit in one solid thought.