Like Sunlight

[BW BRINE]

Is she crying? If so why? Crying and dancing.......intriguing.

She is in the second part. The intention was to have each section as distinct time periods, so first the reader sees her dancing and thinks she is beautiful, next they see her crying, and finally she is gone before they know what happened, mirroring the brevity of the poem itself.

I'm thinking most of your meter was accidental. Time to start counting syllables and accents!
In the first line the meter is thus:
ta DUM DUM, ta DUM ta ta DUM ta DUM DUM. Tough meter to stick with! It's also very catchy, rhythm-wise, and puts your poem at risk of becoming doggerel, which doesn't fit your theme.....or does it? Keep working on it, it's worth it!

I will work on the meter. Any meter was mostly accidental.

And no, it was not intended to be doggerel, although I'm not entirely certain what it is other than intentionally without meter for comical reasons.

I like the line about her being like the cold dawn wind, but I think you could go ahead and say "blows" instead of "speaks".
I love the line about her teeth. Lovers seldom think teeth are praiseworthy, and it's definitely an arresting image.
I like "tempoed twirl" also. I think "tempo'd" would be better grammatically, though.

I was trying to us anthropomorphism throughout - like sunlight, she dances - like raindrops, she cries - like wind, she speaks. [Insert comical statement about her blowing]

I also like tempo'd! Thank you

-BW