02-07-2015, 08:13 AM
(02-06-2015, 09:35 AM)februarious Wrote: I am also a little weary of the 4th tercet, though I do think the poem is stunning. It's very evocative in a subtle way. I am not sure "the low notes may just tell you why" fits nicely there. I think it feels rather forced and disrupts the soothing melancholia that seeps through the lines that precede and supersede it. I would revise it. How about "the shady notes might tell you why"?
Otherwise, very wonderful. I feel this way often days. Always swatting the sunshine away as though I had the might to move it
Thank you Feb, and welcome to the site. I see you have jumped right in with several crits.
Look forward to seeing your work.Paul