Humpback Anthem-Edit 1

[onepapa]

Your poem has moved to Serious Workshopping, great!, so I'd like to add a few words:

My heart thunders to the rhythm of the pod's chant,
echoing across the abyss,
calling us to the birthing place.
Calling us home. Something about the 'me' and 'us' so quickly transposed that bothers me, especially as the next strophe is first person singular POV again. I wondered if you could have this first one calling 'me', so the trip to the birthing place is also birth of group identity, and then use calling 'us'.

Fat and strong and ripe with life, Don't think you need this comma. You've moved into past tense
I left the icy krill waters, two adjectives
crossed the terrible dark deep two adjectives
and found again the warm blue reefs. two adjectives - the cumulative effect isn't great

I sound into the depths, and back into present. is there are reason I'm missing?
turn and hurl upward through the sea,
soaring into the light, my blood ablaze, can you lose one of the 'the's?
flightless wings askew.

I roll and blow and flail my flukes, this made me smile
quivering with delight, don't think you need this comma
from the caress of sun upon my skin
And the nuzzle of new life. capital A not needed

For now we sing the winter sun.
Soon enough, the hunger will wake.
Calling us back to the feeding place. Again, I feel there's one too many 'the's.
Calling us home. I think breaking into fragments instead of using sentences makes the ending of your poem more choppy than it could be. I like the anaphora - adds to the mystical feeling of your poem.

I like this! Can feel the tugs of seasons, respond to the cycle of life with the whales. Some little quibbles with eg using caps, also minor punctuation choices, and over-abundant adjectives in the 2nd stanza but all-in-all a good strong poem, imagist, carrying emotion but not rolling in it. Thanks for posting.

Mercedes,

This is very helpful and I appreciate the extra effort pointing out exactly what issues you see with this poem. Thank you.

onepapa