01-31-2015, 09:05 PM
Oh, thanks again, billy.
(01-31-2015, 04:50 PM)Krystal-Garner Wrote: I appreciate the line about the treacherous sea air. There is a great deal of good assonance going on here. Have you thought about lenghtening it? I imagine this could be a story poem. Perhaps let us in on the character/narrator? From who's perspective is this coming?Thanks for the feedback. I....don't know what you're talking about with the assonance there, since it's used rather inconsistently in the poem (the only notable use of it that I can hear is in the first line). This isn't meant to be (nor is this ever going to be) a story poem, either, and the speaker is supposed to be your typical, omnipotent voice, and nothing else; I'm focusing on this one scene, and the rich images and nuanced symbols that it presents. I might end up lengthening this, however, if further feedback proves that it's too elusive.