Canned Father (edit2)

[ChristopherSea]

Much obliged for the read and fine critique brownlie! Your advice is always useful and welcome.

Yes, there is 3-fold repetition in stanza one, but it is there to emphasize my absolute repulsion to canned peas
and beans, as well as my Dad’s obsession with me eating them. Also, they are employed in three different contexts:
‘you’, ‘me’ and ‘recollections.’ I believe that I may be trying to ram them down my Dad’s throat! The ‘poor man’ is actually
my greatest hero and inspiration in life, but nobody is perfect and this is just a poem (right?).

I am taking your advice and drooping ‘green.’ I agree that ‘faced’ is weak, I shall use ‘defied’ to add some belligerence and alliteration.
I can add ‘and’ to the final line of the stanza.

I need ‘cry’ in there for authenticity and it implies more than just ‘dread’, but I will take another look at it.

Yes, this is a personal poem and I need to tell my Dad those two lines.

Now that you mention it, ‘scary’ does not quite cut it for me either. I think ‘Creepy’ better captures those canned things
for me and my Dad’s strange behavior concerning them.

Grateful as always, my friend in pen. A credited edit will be up shortly!/Chris