01-24-2015, 03:51 PM
Hi,
This is a very interesting poem, although I think that the last stanza doesn't make much sense and therefore spoils the rest of it.
"many a boy's" keeps on reminding me of 'House Of The Rising Sun' and the line "many a poor boy" and the reference to 'boy' doesn't fit in with the last line when you refer to 'men'. I can only assume that you chose 'boy' to avoid the awkwardness of "many a man's".
Most of the last stanza doesn't make sense but especially "She stores her essence in their shells" which almost seems to be the opposite of what you are implying, that it is their essence which she stores inside of herself. I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say here.
I do like the idea and the fact that you have made her 'mouth' ambiguous with the clever title, is it really her mouth or her vagina, I'm sure that the mouth of Isis as referred to by Crowley is not really meant literally as mouth, although I'm not sure I would have thought this had you not mentioned Crowley in one of your comments.
I like this and I hope you come back to edit it for I think it is worthwhile.
I live not far from Boleskine House so any mention of Aleister Crowley is always going to grab my attention, and because of this I'm wondering if Dale's mention of Robert Plant is purely coincidental, with an obvious connection between Jimmy Page to Boleskine House to Aleister Crowley. Hmmm, interesting.
Thanks for the read,
Mark
This is a very interesting poem, although I think that the last stanza doesn't make much sense and therefore spoils the rest of it.
"many a boy's" keeps on reminding me of 'House Of The Rising Sun' and the line "many a poor boy" and the reference to 'boy' doesn't fit in with the last line when you refer to 'men'. I can only assume that you chose 'boy' to avoid the awkwardness of "many a man's".
Most of the last stanza doesn't make sense but especially "She stores her essence in their shells" which almost seems to be the opposite of what you are implying, that it is their essence which she stores inside of herself. I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say here.
I do like the idea and the fact that you have made her 'mouth' ambiguous with the clever title, is it really her mouth or her vagina, I'm sure that the mouth of Isis as referred to by Crowley is not really meant literally as mouth, although I'm not sure I would have thought this had you not mentioned Crowley in one of your comments.
I like this and I hope you come back to edit it for I think it is worthwhile.
I live not far from Boleskine House so any mention of Aleister Crowley is always going to grab my attention, and because of this I'm wondering if Dale's mention of Robert Plant is purely coincidental, with an obvious connection between Jimmy Page to Boleskine House to Aleister Crowley. Hmmm, interesting.
Thanks for the read,
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie