01-23-2015, 11:09 PM
You dont need subtlety with this IMO. I like this a lot. The only thing that glares at me is the line "our warrant to despoil your limbs/ the answer that you give is grim."
The rhyme feels forced to me. Maybe something like "our warrant to despoil your limbs/the invitation to rape you again." Or something to that effect. I feel like the way you had it, it kind of trailed off. That's a strong stanza, you should finish it strong.
The rhyme feels forced to me. Maybe something like "our warrant to despoil your limbs/the invitation to rape you again." Or something to that effect. I feel like the way you had it, it kind of trailed off. That's a strong stanza, you should finish it strong.