Dirt

[Aelwyn82]

I like the imagery and the sentences are well constructed, but it seems like the syllabic count per line is really irregular, which throws it off for me. I think it would be more effective if it had greater internal symmetry, because the first line of Iambic Tetrameter sets the pace for the rest of the poem. I think irregularity is a good tool, but perhaps it should be used during a subject change. This is just my opinion.