01-18-2015, 12:20 PM
This poem starts out with a line of iambic tetrameter followed by a line of iambic trimeter. "lead" should be "led."
After the first two lines it is difficult to move into the non-meter lines of the last nine lines. Stanzas 2,3,4 act a vignettes demonstrating the passage of time.
Possibility: "In the morning, when the sun was out,
the dew used to wet my feet as I picked blueberries"
remove from L2 "used to" so it reads "the dew wet my feet as I picked blueberries." This I think helps regularize the tense.
S3 L1 Could probably do away with the commas.
S4 L1 Could do without the comma after "evening."
Nice to see you around WJ.
Dale
After the first two lines it is difficult to move into the non-meter lines of the last nine lines. Stanzas 2,3,4 act a vignettes demonstrating the passage of time.
Possibility: "In the morning, when the sun was out,
the dew used to wet my feet as I picked blueberries"
remove from L2 "used to" so it reads "the dew wet my feet as I picked blueberries." This I think helps regularize the tense.
S3 L1 Could probably do away with the commas.
S4 L1 Could do without the comma after "evening."
Nice to see you around WJ.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.