01-18-2015, 11:10 AM
Jack,
I think an added quatrain is a good idea, and I would concur with milo. With the four extra lines it seems you should be able to get in a functional two line description of what was S1 L4&5.
I usually could care less if a line is technology correct but this line "Down aisles built for yearning sheep" is disruptive. If you had been using accentual verse throughout it would be fine, but with the solid iambic tetrameter around it, this line really sticks out.
"down aisles built for" are all neutral syllables and depending on the words around them. However if one allows the leeway they could be read as two feet of iambs. even so the first syllable on yearning is the one that is accented. Depending on how one reads sheep as accented or not will tell if it is a foot and a half of trochee yearning sheep, or a foot of dactyl. Regardless, after the flip in the middle of the line the rest reads like a stutter. I was initially reading the stanza without much regard to the meter, but this immediately acted as a speed bump. Some lines allow you to get away with variations, but between the barely iambic of the first two feet, the trochee of the third (that's how I read it) and then the half foot in the fourth combine to make this an unusable line. Because most of your lines are very solid and delivery the four foot iambic pattern almost unconsciously, even to those unaware of meter I believe this would pull them up short.
Maybe you could explain S1L4. "We see the brass bull teem with lice." There seem two possible candidates. I know that Aaron, Moses' brother created a bull for the people to worship while Moses was on Mt. Sinai speaking with God. It has also been suggested that there was a tie in with Jesus and the the "Mithras Cult." There are problems with both as I believe Aaron's bull was actually a cow made of gold, and the link to the Mithras cult is still speculation. I suppose it could also be a referent to the worship of Baal from a Biblical context, as Baal was always cited as a false god, and often the idea of idols are mentioned in context of him. Baal is most often associated with the Akkadian (Adad) and Sumerian god (Ishkur), later known as Hadad. The bull was the symbolic animal of Hadad. I somehow think you are not going back this far as we are looking at approximately 2500BCE at the earliest.
So maybe simply a "Bull idol" and the lice being the infection to worship idols, or maybe it is purely a parasitic relation, or maybe this is another icon or painting with which I am not this time familiar. If you could clarify my curiosity would appreciate it
Anyway, it seems much wandering for little gain.
Dale
I think an added quatrain is a good idea, and I would concur with milo. With the four extra lines it seems you should be able to get in a functional two line description of what was S1 L4&5.
I usually could care less if a line is technology correct but this line "Down aisles built for yearning sheep" is disruptive. If you had been using accentual verse throughout it would be fine, but with the solid iambic tetrameter around it, this line really sticks out.
"down aisles built for" are all neutral syllables and depending on the words around them. However if one allows the leeway they could be read as two feet of iambs. even so the first syllable on yearning is the one that is accented. Depending on how one reads sheep as accented or not will tell if it is a foot and a half of trochee yearning sheep, or a foot of dactyl. Regardless, after the flip in the middle of the line the rest reads like a stutter. I was initially reading the stanza without much regard to the meter, but this immediately acted as a speed bump. Some lines allow you to get away with variations, but between the barely iambic of the first two feet, the trochee of the third (that's how I read it) and then the half foot in the fourth combine to make this an unusable line. Because most of your lines are very solid and delivery the four foot iambic pattern almost unconsciously, even to those unaware of meter I believe this would pull them up short.
Maybe you could explain S1L4. "We see the brass bull teem with lice." There seem two possible candidates. I know that Aaron, Moses' brother created a bull for the people to worship while Moses was on Mt. Sinai speaking with God. It has also been suggested that there was a tie in with Jesus and the the "Mithras Cult." There are problems with both as I believe Aaron's bull was actually a cow made of gold, and the link to the Mithras cult is still speculation. I suppose it could also be a referent to the worship of Baal from a Biblical context, as Baal was always cited as a false god, and often the idea of idols are mentioned in context of him. Baal is most often associated with the Akkadian (Adad) and Sumerian god (Ishkur), later known as Hadad. The bull was the symbolic animal of Hadad. I somehow think you are not going back this far as we are looking at approximately 2500BCE at the earliest.
So maybe simply a "Bull idol" and the lice being the infection to worship idols, or maybe it is purely a parasitic relation, or maybe this is another icon or painting with which I am not this time familiar. If you could clarify my curiosity would appreciate it
Anyway, it seems much wandering for little gain. Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.