SECOND EDIT: Sermon on the Destruction of Icons
#6
(01-16-2015, 08:10 AM)Heslopian Wrote:  "... for five hundred years, during which religion was in a more prosperous condition, and a purer doctrine flourished, Christian churches were completely free from visible representations" - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion

From Eve in vines about her legs,
Like fetters forged in Paradise, Truly excellent rennaisance imagery. I can see the whole picture in glowing oils
To Saintly men in grief reposed,
And God Himself a sack of rice,
Slid limply in His mother's arms. The from/to is there. End that journey. The problem is the contact adhesion brought about by the "and". The link to from/to, a single ticket, should not be made as a chronological continuation so  bring the  extra destination out of  the itinery. So: when God himself, a sack of rice, slid limply in His mother's arms. It is rather like saying I want go from Aberdeen to London and WHEN Dover.  

These are the idols John told us Watch your meter. Pesky anapest ends up stumbling in.
Would bring to folly naive hearts. Hmmm. Not sure what this inversion purpose serves, especially re. the last line of this stanza
If hammers be the rage of Christ, No comma
Let men destroy these morbid arts. This would be an unforced error in tennis. I cannot get the "morbid arts" to ring with anything but the plangent peal of the lonesome rhyme. Not being sure,yet, who the narrator is I am a little unhappy with the pontificating preachiness here.Does it matter...probably not if Moses, but quite a lot if Hes. By the by, I see no reason for splitting couplets in to ?A?A instead of AA. Your poem

I speak to thee from place of stone,
A pulpit fit for cloistered sheep,
And this dark stone will teach thee well: Stone me. Twice. Getting a bit "andy" overall. Though only two instances it is a much shorter piece than it seems due to the  line splitting. I don't think "teach" is the mot juste (are you la, dale? Smile ), surely "tell" would do?
That Papist hearts will find no sleep.
First off, Hes,  nice work.
This is commitment verse with a strong sense of unyielding purpose. I cannot say it is enhanced by the crazy capitalising of every line...Slid almost becomes a comedic character " Hi, Slid, how's it goin'".
There are some grammatical issues which seem inconsequential, and are, but this is serious so see in-text.
Can I also make clear to those who would crit the crit, I would  normally have a hissy fit over the language thou hast lapsed in to occasionally but you COULD put this whole piece in to quotes...unless that final stanza is from an alternative narrator?
Again,
nicely fashioned,
tectak
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RE: Sermon on the Destruction of Images - by tectak - 01-16-2015, 07:49 PM



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