01-15-2015, 02:05 PM
The wind beckons the high branch
The wind beckons the high branch
Which awakens the shadow below-
Who with sharp beams of grainy yellow-light
Begins a checkered dance cadenced slow.
The sun-drenched day and long warmth
Fade to a serene twilight of brilliant, lucid gray;
The sepia sunlight with the pale, glowing ether
And dreary, lifeless air conjoin to close the day.
But the spiraling, spangled night brings new animation
With invigorating wind and the Moon's liveliest glow,
Which together in chaste wanton swirl through silvery canopies-
As the filtered moonlight dances with the shadows.
I'll profess I'm not so good with punctuation, so there may be errors there. And my meter, or Rhythm, are almost always off so I expect that as well.
This is a first draft, and there is most likely to be revisions made because there are other descriptive words I would like to include in it.
I actually kind of like this poem, whereas most things I write I don't.
On the last line I chose "filtered moonlight," I thought at first to have it "white-light" instead of moonlight to allude back to the first stanza, thoughts on that?
And I know, explaining something isn't supposed to be good, but "filtered" was used to reference the moonlight being a reflection of the sun, as if the moon acts as a filter. Just wondering if anyone caught that or if it was too opaque.
I was also thinking of using "checkered moonlight" as well as an allusion to the first stanza. Thoughts on that?
Thanks for reading
The wind beckons the high branch
Which awakens the shadow below-
Who with sharp beams of grainy yellow-light
Begins a checkered dance cadenced slow.
The sun-drenched day and long warmth
Fade to a serene twilight of brilliant, lucid gray;
The sepia sunlight with the pale, glowing ether
And dreary, lifeless air conjoin to close the day.
But the spiraling, spangled night brings new animation
With invigorating wind and the Moon's liveliest glow,
Which together in chaste wanton swirl through silvery canopies-
As the filtered moonlight dances with the shadows.
I'll profess I'm not so good with punctuation, so there may be errors there. And my meter, or Rhythm, are almost always off so I expect that as well.
This is a first draft, and there is most likely to be revisions made because there are other descriptive words I would like to include in it.
I actually kind of like this poem, whereas most things I write I don't.
On the last line I chose "filtered moonlight," I thought at first to have it "white-light" instead of moonlight to allude back to the first stanza, thoughts on that?
And I know, explaining something isn't supposed to be good, but "filtered" was used to reference the moonlight being a reflection of the sun, as if the moon acts as a filter. Just wondering if anyone caught that or if it was too opaque.
I was also thinking of using "checkered moonlight" as well as an allusion to the first stanza. Thoughts on that?
Thanks for reading