Swinging Soliloquy

[Brownlie]

I knew you once, you held the rope I swung on.
If holding me that way was love, then I loved you.
You made me swing as high as screams in nightmares; -- I sort of like this reference to the high-pitch. I don't think you need nightmare though.
until they pierced  my dreaming, waking me.
I told my friends that everything was crazy,
in that gushing way that left them wanting more.
Sometimes I cried, and found that crying pulled you,
so I laughed and tears of joy were what you saw.
I know you watched me washing off my day face;
mascara rivulets in pink soap swirls.
I never understood what made it better to be naked,
or what you saw in me when I was tired.
What makes me, even now, believe you loved me...
me, who by my one great lie made both lives true?
I hang my locks each night beside your picture,
my swollen lips are paled by cleansing balm. - Typo?
In shades of jaundiced light I see my body in relief;
latex lit by street lamps, lying dead across my chair.
A corpse to be, I swung for you, on your hangman's rope... -- I don't know about hangman's rope, perhaps.
but now the noose is let, I fall ingloriously to ground.
A man again, amen, you say...I hope you're proud. -To god?
tectak
2015

I like the screaming bit, but found the nightmare somewhat distracting. However, that seems to hold up quite a bit of the actual events of the poem. Perhaps my greatest triumph here is spotting what appears to be a typo on lips.