01-14-2015, 01:23 PM
Kubla Khan,
Thank you for commenting. I hear what you say, that it is boring. There are certainty things that need to be tightened up, but I do not think the tone is one of them. Or at least I will say the off handed, matter of fact way this is voiced was intentional. I did not feel the need to make it dramatic or sensationalize it. I thought over all the events that move the story along would speak well enough for the story without any trickery. I guess I can give a further look at what I thought should be occurring, although I suspect you will disagree with it. The idea of the clinical nature of the speaker was because this was someone he had once been in love with, but as with most people who are involved with addicts he became burned out because of her attitude and behavior over the years he has known her (I have witnessed this many times when families come in for a session before meeting with the therapist and the addict. Their responses are wooden, their eyes are glazed, they have no emotion left for the person, not even anger (which is generally the last to go). The same sort of burn out is also mentioned about her family. He has no emotion left to give to her, the best he can do is this wooden observation, which is suppose to indicate the emotional distance that is between them. Whether it works poetically (whatever that means) or not, it does reflect reality in these types of relationships, especially if it has been going on for a long time. Eventually they have to quit caring as they are getting where they can no longer function. As this is what they are capable of in terms of coping skills (and there is no reason that should be different), that is what they do. Sorry, I cannot get my head around this idea of being "poetic," or a "poetic flash," or a "turning of the senses." I never think "how can I make this poetic" or more poetic. I certainly use tropes, but I use them without much conscious thought, much in the same way I do not think about what cord inversion I am using when playing music; depending on all the elements around it the right chord just comes. You should get along well with Leanne, she is very conscious about her writing, and very intentionally does whatever she does. Me? Not so much
However I will take your comments under advisement. I probably do need to work this one over, it certainly needs it.
"If the speaker in the poems beholds no semblance of poetic language is it still a poem?"
I suppose you could call it prose poetry if you choose, although there are plenty of poetic tropes scattered within it to make a valid argument that it is poetry. Personally I don't care. I do not start writing by saying I am going to write a poem. I am adept or have been adept with all the major poetic forms over many years. I do not consciously start writing by picking a format. I let the format pick itself during the course of the writing. So it does not really matter to me what you call it. I do not think of prose as somehow inferior to poetry. Prose is a form, poetry is a form, both have advantages and disadvantages. I let the writing go to what seems best.Poetic language is just another, and less exact term for poetic tropes, which I believed I addressed. I have read, studied, critiqued, and written poetry for over forty years and I have never heard the term "poetic essence." Maybe you could supply a definition since the words by themselves convey no meaning, at least to me. I did do a search on the term "poetic essence" and what came up appeared to be some kind of establishment for spoken poetry and discussion, but it shed no light on what poetic essence is.
'Although not incredibly bright" Yeah this is a bad line and will be removed along with about ten other lines.
Sorry if this is a bit disjointed; I am in a bit of a rush.
Glad to have you on board,
dale
Thank you for commenting. I hear what you say, that it is boring. There are certainty things that need to be tightened up, but I do not think the tone is one of them. Or at least I will say the off handed, matter of fact way this is voiced was intentional. I did not feel the need to make it dramatic or sensationalize it. I thought over all the events that move the story along would speak well enough for the story without any trickery. I guess I can give a further look at what I thought should be occurring, although I suspect you will disagree with it. The idea of the clinical nature of the speaker was because this was someone he had once been in love with, but as with most people who are involved with addicts he became burned out because of her attitude and behavior over the years he has known her (I have witnessed this many times when families come in for a session before meeting with the therapist and the addict. Their responses are wooden, their eyes are glazed, they have no emotion left for the person, not even anger (which is generally the last to go). The same sort of burn out is also mentioned about her family. He has no emotion left to give to her, the best he can do is this wooden observation, which is suppose to indicate the emotional distance that is between them. Whether it works poetically (whatever that means) or not, it does reflect reality in these types of relationships, especially if it has been going on for a long time. Eventually they have to quit caring as they are getting where they can no longer function. As this is what they are capable of in terms of coping skills (and there is no reason that should be different), that is what they do. Sorry, I cannot get my head around this idea of being "poetic," or a "poetic flash," or a "turning of the senses." I never think "how can I make this poetic" or more poetic. I certainly use tropes, but I use them without much conscious thought, much in the same way I do not think about what cord inversion I am using when playing music; depending on all the elements around it the right chord just comes. You should get along well with Leanne, she is very conscious about her writing, and very intentionally does whatever she does. Me? Not so much
However I will take your comments under advisement. I probably do need to work this one over, it certainly needs it."If the speaker in the poems beholds no semblance of poetic language is it still a poem?"
I suppose you could call it prose poetry if you choose, although there are plenty of poetic tropes scattered within it to make a valid argument that it is poetry. Personally I don't care. I do not start writing by saying I am going to write a poem. I am adept or have been adept with all the major poetic forms over many years. I do not consciously start writing by picking a format. I let the format pick itself during the course of the writing. So it does not really matter to me what you call it. I do not think of prose as somehow inferior to poetry. Prose is a form, poetry is a form, both have advantages and disadvantages. I let the writing go to what seems best.Poetic language is just another, and less exact term for poetic tropes, which I believed I addressed. I have read, studied, critiqued, and written poetry for over forty years and I have never heard the term "poetic essence." Maybe you could supply a definition since the words by themselves convey no meaning, at least to me. I did do a search on the term "poetic essence" and what came up appeared to be some kind of establishment for spoken poetry and discussion, but it shed no light on what poetic essence is.
'Although not incredibly bright" Yeah this is a bad line and will be removed along with about ten other lines.
Sorry if this is a bit disjointed; I am in a bit of a rush.
Glad to have you on board,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.