Fathers and Sons

[Grace]

Fathers and Sons

Orginal

Walking down a gravel road
with dust in his eyes.
Laying out a concrete plan,
where an old path
will change over time.

He feels the rocks beneath
the thinning soles in his boots.
Harsh realities become
destiny's defining truth.

It was yesterday when he got the news,
his life is fading like the old road
he is standing on.

Withering away until the beaten path ends.
Thoughts linger in his mind,
how will his family mend?

He has two sons who need him,
working for him at his construction site.
Both strong and able they will be his knights.

Fighting for all that he has built.
They will continue his path
building a future
where he can not be at.

It was then he noticed
the river, parallel to the road
he was on.

Another idea hopped into his mind,
one more project,
one that will take time.

He envisioned a cabin
right next to the river bank.
It would be his sons.
The memory of him
will be a living place.

I like the parallel of the road and the river; a road of 'concrete plans' and construction next to a river of life.

At the noticing of this river, an idea 'hopped' into his mind. Initially I wanted to replace 'hopped' with a word that went with construction eg 'bored into his mind'. But anything could hop out of a river that's full of life, so that's good.

As already mentioned, above, I'd agree that the 'at' could be removed from the line 'where he cannot be at'.

I enjoyed reading this poem.