01-08-2015, 09:11 AM
(10-10-2014, 06:09 AM)Ryan_w_r Wrote: My attempt at what would be considered slam poetry I guess.. Which really only reads correctly in the mind of the writer lol good luck..
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Political unrest, and riots in our streets.
Circular wars, and scorched earth in the Middle East.
Mothers lying their babies to rest, while fathers are resting in another woman's sheets. this is the first original line in the poem, I think instead of while, their would better, also laying instead of are
All the while, another child looses their life on the streets. all the while is very awkward
The media calls them "casualties of war".. To me more like casualties of greed. kids in dying in the streets are called casualities of war???? I thought the were called thugs...
Countless lives being lost over things we don't need.
See, what we NEED is an enlightened generation willing to plant a seed. a pot seed most likely (not a critique here just a comment
A seed that will grow in the mind of our youth, And come to fruition in the form of a society that knows only great love and truth.
Because what we have now, well, it doesn't work..
We are a pasteurized and preservative filled prepackaged generation. this is not bad
Graciously provided by media sponsors and major corporations..