morning, January 1
#5
(01-05-2015, 08:54 AM)cjchaffin Wrote:  morning, January 1


The streets are quiet, finally.
Hopes and dreams litter the sidewalk
alongside beer bottles and party favors,
neglected clichés clinging to one another
as I sweep them all away.
Hey CJ. I like this one. I do think there is some ambiguity in the punctuation. If I am reading it correctly, I think the comma after "favors" needs to be a semicolon. 
If not, and "beer bottles, party favors and neglected cliches" are all one list, then I think you need a comma after "bottles" moving the "and" to before "neglected". Hope that math adds up.
Thanks for sharing,
Paul
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Messages In This Thread
morning, January 1 - by cjchaffin - 01-05-2015, 08:54 AM
RE: morning, January 1 - by srijantje - 01-05-2015, 11:17 PM
RE: morning, January 1 - by cjchaffin - 01-06-2015, 12:33 AM
RE: morning, January 1 - by ellajam - 01-05-2015, 11:30 PM
RE: morning, January 1 - by Tiger the Lion - 01-06-2015, 01:14 PM
RE: morning, January 1 - by cjchaffin - 01-07-2015, 09:04 AM



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