Haiku revisited
#7
(01-04-2015, 02:56 AM)Leah S. Wrote:  Going nowhere ---
The butterfly
On the blowing laundry.
Hi, I've read this quite a few times now today and although I really like the 'contents' as it were, of the image, I still feel that they could be somehow rearranged in a way that gave it a spark or 'Ah-ha' moment. It could possibly be more to with the way my mind is working at the moment but I kept on wanting the butterfly to be going nowhere by trying to go somewhere, ie flying in to the wind but remaining stationary. That was literally my very first thought when I read it because that's what I thought you were going for also, but then I quickly realised that was not the case, but alas in my head the butterfly is cursed to take a harder path than resting on the laundry.
It's a nice image in it's quaintness but, to me it seems slightly static and doesn't really say a great deal apart from painting a scene.
Possibly if the butterfly and laundry where both experiencing the same conditions, namely the wind, and to one it was a burden and a struggle to overcome it and move forward and to the other it was a benefit which is the reason it has been put there, then in that scenario I see a possibility for a spark or an 'Ah-ha' moment.
Perhaps I've missed your true intention or perhaps I've read too much into another aspect... See what you think and also let me know if you think I have missed something. The ingredients are all there.

Thanks for the read,

Mark
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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Messages In This Thread
Haiku revisited - by Leah S. - 01-04-2015, 02:56 AM
RE: Haiku revisited - by just mercedes - 01-04-2015, 10:50 AM
RE: Haiku revisited - by zahrakh - 01-04-2015, 02:36 PM
RE: Haiku revisited - by jaybee - 01-04-2015, 02:39 PM
RE: Haiku revisited - by ellajam - 01-04-2015, 09:37 PM
RE: Haiku revisited - by srijantje - 01-05-2015, 12:22 AM
RE: Haiku revisited - by Magpie - 01-05-2015, 01:33 AM
RE: Haiku revisited - by Leah S. - 01-15-2015, 05:01 AM
RE: Haiku revisited - by srijantje - 01-05-2015, 11:05 PM



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