Poetry floats (need a title)
#3
Ah, a Christmas lament for world peace. I'm enjoying the rhymeless sonnet form and the mix of myth (or history) and the current world mood. I don't get every reference, but that may be one of the many holes in my general knowledge as opposed to the fault of the poem; I'll point them out anyway.

(12-26-2014, 04:59 AM)just mercedes Wrote:  Buddha, wearing straw sandals, was caught
on CCTV cameras in Arizona, racially profiled.  i'm not sure you need CCTV here, does it matter what type of camera he was caught on? I'd prefer the sound of the first two lines without it.
Facebook image-matched him instantly
but couldn’t help at all with Mohammed. For me this contrasted Buddha's open face with Mohammed's more elusive one as well as the current state of Islam in the world. I like the m sounds.

The third wise man hung around for a long
holiday weekend then slid up to heaven, I love this image, it's fun on one side and sad on the other.
ignoring the growing desert storms,
the current situation in Jerusalem. For me this line just repeated what was said more elegantly in the line above. Unless I am missing something you could put this line to better use.

Poetry floats with Jim in a Parisian bain, bloated;
tethered to a bedroom door with Michael it stumbles I don't know why Jim and Michael yet but I enjoyed the images so much it didn't bother me. I'll think harder.
and falls; on a gravel road light falls lightly
as rollcall; the battlefield moon names names nightly. I don't quite get the light/rollcall yet but the battlefield moon gets me there anyway.

Juggled from Nazareth to Nigeria, mercy struggles. This line was strong for me, juggled/struggled with poor mercy between them.
Deep underground corruption bubbles; poetry floats. I like the difference between bubbles and floats.
I plan to spend more time with this, but I hope my comments give you an idea of my read so far.

Thanks for posting it.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

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Messages In This Thread
Poetry floats (need a title) - by just mercedes - 12-26-2014, 04:59 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by none - 12-26-2014, 09:11 PM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by ellajam - 12-26-2014, 10:21 PM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by Leah S. - 12-27-2014, 02:17 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by just mercedes - 12-27-2014, 04:08 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by ellajam - 12-27-2014, 05:53 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by Leah S. - 01-03-2015, 02:53 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by rayheinrich - 12-27-2014, 06:59 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by Leanne - 12-27-2014, 07:16 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by Leanne - 12-27-2014, 07:24 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by just mercedes - 12-27-2014, 07:36 AM
RE: Poetry floats (need a title) - by Erthona - 01-03-2015, 07:37 AM



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