Madeleine

[Leah S.]

"Let me put my arm around you." would destroy the word play (Lie) and the rhyme at the end of the lines. I guess I opt with your first option "Lie down in my arms".

Thanks very much for your time and for the correction.


Thank you for your kind critic, but this failed poem is not about love at all (and thus why it is a failure as it cause misunderstanding for the readers).

If this is even worth mentioning, Madeleine is a variation of Magdalene, the prostitute referred in the Christian tradition. So yeah, this failed poem is about loneliness and not about love.

Cheers.

I didn't say your poem was about anything except a false lover, in answer to the question you asked about the meaning of "false" in this context. It is obvious that loneliness is implied in your poem. I think you are only pretending to have a thick skin, witness your referring to your poem as "failed." Relax, and rewrite. Or junk it. But, please, no more thickly veiled resentment.

Never assume that the poet interjects his/her own psyche in to the poem. Judge the poetry,  not the poet. Mod

K

---

All lies,
You’re all lies

Those smiles, Why not "Your smiles"?
Those lips and kisses Ditto

Lies,
They’re all lies Lies, lies, lies!

Words you said, What words?
Promises you made What promises?

Lie,
Your love is a lie

But that’s fine, really?
I have no one

Come,
Lie down in my arms

Hold me tight,
I’m lonely tonight I think that's a line from an Elvis Presley song.

A couple of things....you could improve this poem with a few well chosen adjectives. Also, we (the readers) know why you are lying with her in spite of her lies, but we don't know why she is lying with you in spite of your disdain. I want to know why she is lying to you, and what she wants from you.