Madeleine

[tectak]

You do not say "lie down on my arm". You say "Lie down in my arm".  For that statement to be correct "arm" would need to be plural, thus...

"Lie down in my arms"

I would not use "lie down on my arm" as that sounds just too weird. It is the polar opposite of a cliche. That phrase is not use for a reason, it is not compelling. Arms are compelling because it is similar to a hug. When one thinks of Lying down on arm, it images just that, someone laying on top of someone's arm. It is odd and uncomfortable. The better phrase for one arm would be. Let me put my arm around you.


Dale

"Let me put my arm around you." would destroy the word play (Lie) and the rhyme at the end of the lines. I guess I opt with your first option "Lie down in my arms".

Thanks very much for your time and for the correction.

A false lover would be a lying cheating deceptive lover. "False" is a bit of an anachronism in this sense, but the topic is ancient. You can't even imagine how many poems have been written over the years on this subject. Here's Sonnet 138 by the Bard himself:

When my love swears that she is made of truth,
I do believe her, though I know she lies;
That she might think me some untutor'd youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue;
On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed,
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say I not that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told:
Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered be.

So you are in excellent company and should strive to excel thereby.
I think your topic is perfectly okay, since people have been writing poetry about it since the dawn of written language. Just realize that you have to figure out how to make your contribution noteworthy.

Thank you for your kind critic, but this failed poem is not about love at all (and thus why it is a failure as it cause misunderstanding for the readers).

If this is even worth mentioning, Madeleine is a variation of Magdalene, the prostitute referred in the Christian tradition. So yeah, this failed poem is about loneliness and not about love.

Cheers.

I didn't say your poem was about anything except a false lover, in answer to the question you asked about the meaning of "false" in this context. It is obvious that loneliness is implied in your poem. I think you are only pretending to have a thick skin, witness your referring to your poem as "failed." Relax, and rewrite. Or junk it. But, please, no more thickly veiled resentment.

Never assume that the poet interjects his/her own psyche in to the poem. Judge the poetry,  not the poet. Mod