12-25-2014, 02:53 AM
"etched on the moon
behind the clouds
my listless wandering "
I think it makes sense just like it is, if one takes the time to consider it.
"etched in the moon" - a message, a thought, a communication, although not really etched, just an aspect of the moon that relates to your "Listless wandering," which could be mental or physical.
"behind the clouds" - the message is obscured, or maybe just hidden from view but not necessarily from intuition.
"my listless wandering" - The word lunatic comes from the word Luna (the ancient Roman goddess personifying the moon). As the moon is said to cause people to act strangely, but the reason behind this remains obscure (as the moon behind the clouds), although there is no doubt that this is proven fact. Look at any police blotter, or any emergency room intake list for a weekend with a full moon. I used to be the weekend program director for the behavioral health (mostly duel diagnosis women) unit in a private psych hospital. I knew that on any weekend with a full moon, I was going to walk into a bloodbath on Saturday morning, literally. Despite all sharp object being meticulously removed from their living area, they would always find something to be able to cut themselves with. It happened at other times, but always on full moons and always to a much greater extent.
Also the moon has been blamed for restlessness, or loneliness. Take the (popular)image of the mated for life wolf, howling for his lost mate at the full moon, and all the emotions that conveys.
Listless may be a little too low energy to associate with the moon, but who is to say what the moon my conjure. Rewriting your poem the way I would feel is not my job, only offering possible technical improvements. So what if the feelings you get from the moon do not line up with what others feel or what I feel, most people do not feel the need to move to an island and worship the moon either as the women of Domina Oriens did who were said to be the first victims of the Inquisition.
I have no technical help to offer, I only could tell you how to make it more like I would like it, which of course would make it my poem, not yours
Dale
behind the clouds
my listless wandering "
I think it makes sense just like it is, if one takes the time to consider it.
"etched in the moon" - a message, a thought, a communication, although not really etched, just an aspect of the moon that relates to your "Listless wandering," which could be mental or physical.
"behind the clouds" - the message is obscured, or maybe just hidden from view but not necessarily from intuition.
"my listless wandering" - The word lunatic comes from the word Luna (the ancient Roman goddess personifying the moon). As the moon is said to cause people to act strangely, but the reason behind this remains obscure (as the moon behind the clouds), although there is no doubt that this is proven fact. Look at any police blotter, or any emergency room intake list for a weekend with a full moon. I used to be the weekend program director for the behavioral health (mostly duel diagnosis women) unit in a private psych hospital. I knew that on any weekend with a full moon, I was going to walk into a bloodbath on Saturday morning, literally. Despite all sharp object being meticulously removed from their living area, they would always find something to be able to cut themselves with. It happened at other times, but always on full moons and always to a much greater extent.
Also the moon has been blamed for restlessness, or loneliness. Take the (popular)image of the mated for life wolf, howling for his lost mate at the full moon, and all the emotions that conveys.
Listless may be a little too low energy to associate with the moon, but who is to say what the moon my conjure. Rewriting your poem the way I would feel is not my job, only offering possible technical improvements. So what if the feelings you get from the moon do not line up with what others feel or what I feel, most people do not feel the need to move to an island and worship the moon either as the women of Domina Oriens did who were said to be the first victims of the Inquisition.
I have no technical help to offer, I only could tell you how to make it more like I would like it, which of course would make it my poem, not yours
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.