Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella)

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Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella)

ellajam Offline

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#7

12-22-2014, 09:02 PM

I can see WJ's point of contrast in the last line, but I don't think that's the issue I have with it. I like melting away so it must be My mind that bothers me. I'm not sure if it's the my-my sound or the generality of the word mind itself. A mind melting away, or a mind melts away. My grasp melting away.

I don't know, your poem, maybe those will lead you somewhere if you agree something's not quite right. It may just be me. Smile

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billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

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Messages In This Thread

Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by Erthona - 12-21-2014, 02:02 AM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by makeshift - 12-21-2014, 03:00 AM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by TimeOut - 12-30-2014, 08:58 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by Erthona - 12-21-2014, 07:56 AM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by ellajam - 12-21-2014, 08:14 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by Erthona - 12-22-2014, 02:19 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by Wjames - 12-22-2014, 04:19 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by ellajam - 12-22-2014, 09:02 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by Erthona - 12-23-2014, 12:21 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by ellajam - 12-23-2014, 09:06 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by billy - 12-23-2014, 09:39 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by billy - 12-23-2014, 09:40 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream - by tectak - 12-23-2014, 10:34 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by Erthona - 12-24-2014, 05:20 AM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by 71degrees - 12-31-2014, 01:24 AM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by Erthona - 12-31-2014, 09:16 AM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by RiverNotch - 02-02-2015, 01:16 AM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by Erthona - 02-02-2015, 04:34 PM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by tectak - 02-03-2015, 06:50 AM

RE: Pancakes in the Stream(edit 0.001 Billy, Tom, and Ella) - by Erthona - 02-03-2015, 07:17 AM

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