12-21-2014, 08:14 PM
First, thank you for the image, the actual one and the moon pie face. My first thought on the image is that an artist had done it, like Chihuly launching his blown glass spheres down the river. It is an amazing phenomena.
The poem. I have an issue with "My mind is melting away." It is just too blunt for me. The internal rhymes add to the dreaminess of the piece but the ending just lied flat for me. I don't have a suggestion for a better line right now, but you may want to think about it.
Thanks for posting this. Good morning.
The poem. I have an issue with "My mind is melting away." It is just too blunt for me. The internal rhymes add to the dreaminess of the piece but the ending just lied flat for me. I don't have a suggestion for a better line right now, but you may want to think about it.
Thanks for posting this. Good morning.
(12-21-2014, 02:02 AM)Erthona Wrote: Pancakes in the Stream
Pancake ice is nice,
so round just like your moon pie face
my dear. I know the image is there
so clear. It seems it’s been misplaced
or seared. My mind is melting away.
–Erthona
Ice Pancakes
©2014
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