A Son of God? Edit 1.0003 erthona, billy,leah,71deg

[Leah S.]

I really like it. It's a little obscure in places though. I get the meaning from your syntax that the east IS the sneaking thief who steals the ability to think away from sons who should be thoughtful? If not, and you do mean something more concrete, then the poem needs to personify this thief. What about..."the east acts like a sneaking thief" with a colon?
I love, no, LOVE!, the scansion crash at the end.

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The "poem" is a very good try but the overall fengshui is too slimpistic.

If we refer to Leviticus 19 'The Lord also said to Moses, 20 “This is the offering Aaron and his sons are to bring to the Lord on the day he is anointed'

This replicates your point in your line 'to trade for early paradise;'

However your ''poem'' doesn't work as your execution wasn't tactfully justified in the equeefitable demeanour.

You are welcome.
Professor McGonigle.
Fratus tuus in Christo,
Servus,

ps (post sciprt if youdidn't know) feel free to email me for aid.

Funk you for you're illucidatien...I shall bear it in rind. I am sorry my equeefitable manners do not exibite sufficiont demeanour but wit can one do?
Breast,
tucktack

Now consider what you want to say, without quotations from Billy's Weekly Liar, and respond in something approaching english. 3/10 Mod.

I'm putting "Slimptistic" on a T-shirt.