12-19-2014, 03:15 AM
Ok, so you're fine with strong critique. I hope you are not just saying that to appear thick skinned, because I'm about to lay some harsh stuff on you.
There is nothing in this poem that hasn't been said a million times over and a million times better. You have to find better or different ways to freshen old material if it is to be taken seriously.
I swear, I may punch the next person who rhymes tight with tonight. But having said that, if you really want to fix some of this, you could change arm to arms...last time I looked most people have 2.
I personally cannot find anything to salvage. It's way too repetitive to be minimalistic, with absolutely zero poetic devices employed.
Ok...thanks for flying Air Bena....buh bye.
There is nothing in this poem that hasn't been said a million times over and a million times better. You have to find better or different ways to freshen old material if it is to be taken seriously.
I swear, I may punch the next person who rhymes tight with tonight. But having said that, if you really want to fix some of this, you could change arm to arms...last time I looked most people have 2.
I personally cannot find anything to salvage. It's way too repetitive to be minimalistic, with absolutely zero poetic devices employed.
Ok...thanks for flying Air Bena....buh bye.