Mourning

[billy]

i'm guessing the funeral is [hers]. when you eneter a room you can't feel here because she disists. for me this is the main sticking point. is it that you sense her in the the objects of the room, that the room is her to some extent? while it reads okay, i still don't feel i know enough of the dead her. the 2nd thing that could be done better are some of the end phrases on a few lines. they feel forced some i can see are done to it the enjambment. some don't work so well. two places in the poem have end rhymes, after the inital read i thought it was verse. specially because of the last too lines. (the last one being one of the forced lines i mentioned.) thanks for the read.

Mourning 

Her fragile keen, so felt, so slow, so rude, i have to google this instance of [keen] even though i think i know what it means, after the google i have to say i can't make keen work
desists upon my entering the room. if this is true, how do you know it was there to start with
Like a death at a parade, my steps on grief intrude;
like scissors on a butterfly they move.they move do they? isn't it a given?
I wish she would lament as mothers do,
terribly, instead of cooing to herself,
instead of refusing to look around for me,
losing sight of her grief instead.

I crushed a junebug to guts and tatters once.
Its wings and legs came unglued. Puzzlingly,
it'd ceased to be,
And, overcome with distress, I buried her why the capped [a] how did you know it was a [her]?
and chalked "June" on a rock with a rock, i do like the double up on this line, [much better than the double of [grief]
and cried desperately. O, weary woman, too,
cry and cry and cry til your eyes turn blue. the rhyme feels forced.