12-07-2014, 04:11 PM
(12-04-2014, 12:11 PM)Beacherjosh Wrote: I too had to read the poem a few times to, I hope, completely understand it. I find words like "losers" and "monsters" could be more specific with different word choice. your 1st line, "creeps, creeps everywhere" may be more interesting (at least to me) as, "creeps, creep everywhere" so the second creep is a verb. this would also go well with just repeating the word "creeps" as a noun in your 1st and 2nd stanza. Just a suggestion, I don't know if it would be a good change or not, maybe start every stanza with "creeps". That would help cement your theme.
I found the "monsters" and "losers" in the poem are important to keep general, since I think those are what society blindly calls pepetrators of victimless crime in the authors eyes, to make them more specific would infer that society is more aware than it is.