12-07-2014, 12:41 PM
Eluoh,
I enjoyed this from the second stanza on down, it gave me a very good visual, a very fresh approach to the old birds and bees scenario. Very playful and forthright.
In the first stanza (S1), it is mysterious that you change from "I can feel you..." to "he crept into...", and then "that hound". Is this him again, or are these three different male entities. Then the neutral "the appetite". So the reader is left to wonder if this is four different people/things/animals, one, or somewhere in between, but there is no confusion that there is no way to determine the correct answer. As a result, at least for this reader, the stanza appears completely senseless. One must assume it has something to do with the continued metaphor of human sex as nature, but guessing is the best one can do in this instance. I'm sure this is simply an occurrence of the writer not realizing that important information is being left out that the reader needs, and will be easily remedied.
Dale
I enjoyed this from the second stanza on down, it gave me a very good visual, a very fresh approach to the old birds and bees scenario. Very playful and forthright.
In the first stanza (S1), it is mysterious that you change from "I can feel you..." to "he crept into...", and then "that hound". Is this him again, or are these three different male entities. Then the neutral "the appetite". So the reader is left to wonder if this is four different people/things/animals, one, or somewhere in between, but there is no confusion that there is no way to determine the correct answer. As a result, at least for this reader, the stanza appears completely senseless. One must assume it has something to do with the continued metaphor of human sex as nature, but guessing is the best one can do in this instance. I'm sure this is simply an occurrence of the writer not realizing that important information is being left out that the reader needs, and will be easily remedied.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.