The Creep edit e^-1

[ellajam]

Hi, Q, this is growing on me, thanks for posting it. A few notes:

edit

Why write love letters,
why write love letters in November?
As fading ghosts to blow an ember.
I've grown to enjoy the repetition. Love the description. I'd prefer the ? at the end and maybe the dropping of "as". Same for the lines below.

Why face the rain,
Why face the rain in sudden shiver?
As if looking for one lost forever.

Absolve me. A lot said in this one line.

It's all cold now - under unrelenting gale. I don't think the 2nd half is weighty enough to warrant the - .
The crackle of rattling windows forewarn Crackle is very good, you might consider the personification of "cackle".
a suffocating grey wetness reaching out through the treeline
to bang on shutters and howl at doors. Meh to these two lines, effective but not as interesting as the rest.

Again too sick for December's creep. Again too sick is weak, maybe your point but again I'd prefer something more unique.


original

Why write love letters,
why write love letters in November?
As fading ghosts to blow an ember?

Why face the rain,
why face the rain in sudden shiver?
As if looking for one lost forever?

I can't.
It's all cold now, blowing strong.
The murmurs of rattling windows forewarn
a suffocating grey wetness reaching out through the treeline
to bang on shutters and howl at doors.

Again too sick for December's creep.

Thanks for the read.