12-05-2014, 12:45 PM
thank you all for your comments, I will consider them. The again is need in the last line though. And it is sick, as my hope was that it would tie in subtley with the loss in the first two stanzas..
I agree that the I Can't line needs work, but I was struggling with a transition.
A minor edit from the recommendations I got here
Why write love letters,
why write love letters in November?
As fading ghosts to blow an ember.
Why face the rain,
Why face the rain in sudden shiver?
As if looking for one lost forever.
Absolve me.
It's all cold now - under unrelenting gale.
The crackle of rattling windows forewarn
a suffocating grey wetness reaching out through the treeline
to bang on shutters and howl at doors.
Again too sick for December's creep.
I agree that the I Can't line needs work, but I was struggling with a transition.
A minor edit from the recommendations I got here
Why write love letters,
why write love letters in November?
As fading ghosts to blow an ember.
Why face the rain,
Why face the rain in sudden shiver?
As if looking for one lost forever.
Absolve me.
It's all cold now - under unrelenting gale.
The crackle of rattling windows forewarn
a suffocating grey wetness reaching out through the treeline
to bang on shutters and howl at doors.
Again too sick for December's creep.