12-04-2014, 12:48 PM
Thanks folks,
I'm very new to poetry and I will take any feedback on the chin, especially from tectak. One's harshest critic can be ones best help I find. I certainly need to study more in meter and forms but ellajam I think hit this on the head and I appreciate someone seeing this. It is a kids story, a kids excuse of sorts or a confession and meant to conjour pictures of a simpler time where one could get "in trouble", something that at the time seemed to be the end of the world but in reality was very minor, however obviously burning down a full barn of hay is not a minor thing so this again speak to the naivety of the kids to think this would fall in the category of just "trouble" with mum and dad.
Josh - you make a very good point about accent - when we read we tend to do so in our own but as a writer is can be an interesting challenge to try and force the reader to adopt a different accent. If you've ever read any books by Irvine Welsh you'll understand how this can be done expertly. I am not so talented however i do believe in the power of sentence construction to this goal, outside of learned structured grammar. In fact if we write in perfect English it is very challenging to dissolve realism into our words. This last sentence, i hope, is case-in-point to some.
This said, as a Brit I certainly do find myself writing with an accent in my head that I am familiar with. This often is something that creates debate with the fellow writers I chose to endure time with. I've lived and traveled in many countries, until I recently settled in Washington DC, but my life till the age of 20 was spent in ever changing parts of England. I found myself being quite literate in a plethora of different English dialects and mannerisms over these formative years. This tends to leak out of me.
This story was recanted to me by a good friend of mine from the south of England many years ago on a camping trip and most of the wording, and rhyming works for me in his accent without sounding forced. This is not to say the piece doesn't need some work and again I welcome the feedback and appreciate you all for taking the time to do so.
I'm very new to poetry and I will take any feedback on the chin, especially from tectak. One's harshest critic can be ones best help I find. I certainly need to study more in meter and forms but ellajam I think hit this on the head and I appreciate someone seeing this. It is a kids story, a kids excuse of sorts or a confession and meant to conjour pictures of a simpler time where one could get "in trouble", something that at the time seemed to be the end of the world but in reality was very minor, however obviously burning down a full barn of hay is not a minor thing so this again speak to the naivety of the kids to think this would fall in the category of just "trouble" with mum and dad.
Josh - you make a very good point about accent - when we read we tend to do so in our own but as a writer is can be an interesting challenge to try and force the reader to adopt a different accent. If you've ever read any books by Irvine Welsh you'll understand how this can be done expertly. I am not so talented however i do believe in the power of sentence construction to this goal, outside of learned structured grammar. In fact if we write in perfect English it is very challenging to dissolve realism into our words. This last sentence, i hope, is case-in-point to some.
This said, as a Brit I certainly do find myself writing with an accent in my head that I am familiar with. This often is something that creates debate with the fellow writers I chose to endure time with. I've lived and traveled in many countries, until I recently settled in Washington DC, but my life till the age of 20 was spent in ever changing parts of England. I found myself being quite literate in a plethora of different English dialects and mannerisms over these formative years. This tends to leak out of me.
This story was recanted to me by a good friend of mine from the south of England many years ago on a camping trip and most of the wording, and rhyming works for me in his accent without sounding forced. This is not to say the piece doesn't need some work and again I welcome the feedback and appreciate you all for taking the time to do so.