12-02-2014, 10:06 PM
Some great imagery here and I like the concept - some thoughts below.
(12-02-2014, 01:19 PM)Qdeathstar Wrote: Why write love letters,
why write love letters in November?
As fading ghosts to blow an ember? - really like this stanza - it grows an idea/question nicely
Why face the rain,
why face the rain in sudden shiver?
As if looking for one lost forever? - again an idea is nicely built
I can't.
It's all cold now, blowing strong. - sugg leave out "strong"
The murmurs of rattling windows forewarn - clashes of soft and hard constanants murmurs/rattling plus murmurs seems out of place
a suffocating grey wetness reaching out through the treeline - how about "from" the treeline?
to bang on shutters and howl at doors.
Again too sick for December's creep. - again too sick? - how about "Again we dread December's creep"?