12-01-2014, 07:53 AM
Mark D. Windmill,
To me, this comes off as a New Age cliche. This sort of idea (at least this iteration of it) goes back to the British invasion of the US, which also introduced a superficial eastern spirituality that was mainly reflected in fashion, and dubious partial translations of the Indian Vedic text, especially the Rig Veda's "Bhagavad Gita", and then incorporated into little books of inspiration. Hitting it's peek in the 80's-90's when it became fully commercialized (in the US) and fully integrated with Native American use of sage and ceder, crystals, and various ideas from the Wiccan religion. It is also reminiscent of "Windham Hill Records" and others of the genera...when there were words with their songs.
If the word "momentaneous" is not part of a Pink Floyd song (if it is, or a passage of this is, it should be put in quotes and footnoted, if only paraphrased no quotes are needed but some kind of acknowledgement if it is sufficiently recognizable) I would have to agree with Michael444's comment, in that the poem was built around the word. It is a fairly obscure word and not in the online dictionary. The word "transient" would seem to do better service here, although somewhat obscure it is easily found in any online dictionary, and "transient" is basically a synonym for "momentaneous." The definition of "momentaneous" is not easily found. I'm sure it must be in the unabridged OED, however that's a little big to carry in one's pocket. If you are intent on keeping the word, I think it would be wise to footnote it at the bottom and give its definition: "adjective: lasting for a markedly brief time". (momentaneous) The problem using such an obscure word is that most readers (who will not go to the trouble of finding the definition) will probably come to one of two erroneous conclusions: they will think it is a misspelling of "momentous" (or similarly sounding word), or that it is a created word from the two words "moment" and "instantaneous". Either way your poem will not convey what you wanted, if it conveys anything at all.
As shem noted, Why the caps on every line? They are confusing. Unless you mean this as one long sentence, some other punctuation would be prudent.
You are certainly free to disregard any or all of this, or any other critique, nor do you need to defend your work.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
To me, this comes off as a New Age cliche. This sort of idea (at least this iteration of it) goes back to the British invasion of the US, which also introduced a superficial eastern spirituality that was mainly reflected in fashion, and dubious partial translations of the Indian Vedic text, especially the Rig Veda's "Bhagavad Gita", and then incorporated into little books of inspiration. Hitting it's peek in the 80's-90's when it became fully commercialized (in the US) and fully integrated with Native American use of sage and ceder, crystals, and various ideas from the Wiccan religion. It is also reminiscent of "Windham Hill Records" and others of the genera...when there were words with their songs.
If the word "momentaneous" is not part of a Pink Floyd song (if it is, or a passage of this is, it should be put in quotes and footnoted, if only paraphrased no quotes are needed but some kind of acknowledgement if it is sufficiently recognizable) I would have to agree with Michael444's comment, in that the poem was built around the word. It is a fairly obscure word and not in the online dictionary. The word "transient" would seem to do better service here, although somewhat obscure it is easily found in any online dictionary, and "transient" is basically a synonym for "momentaneous." The definition of "momentaneous" is not easily found. I'm sure it must be in the unabridged OED, however that's a little big to carry in one's pocket. If you are intent on keeping the word, I think it would be wise to footnote it at the bottom and give its definition: "adjective: lasting for a markedly brief time". (momentaneous) The problem using such an obscure word is that most readers (who will not go to the trouble of finding the definition) will probably come to one of two erroneous conclusions: they will think it is a misspelling of "momentous" (or similarly sounding word), or that it is a created word from the two words "moment" and "instantaneous". Either way your poem will not convey what you wanted, if it conveys anything at all.
As shem noted, Why the caps on every line? They are confusing. Unless you mean this as one long sentence, some other punctuation would be prudent.
You are certainly free to disregard any or all of this, or any other critique, nor do you need to defend your work.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.