Roles & Resentment

[Ribo]

                                       Roles & Resentment



creeps, creeps everywhere
populating the underworld.
A society of executioners with no victims
judges them.
Security is a victimless crime.

creeps everywhere! pathetic monsters,
losers with no sense of pride
where pride isn't given;
everyone abides by a law of consent.

Those who mock and sneer are the most insecure of all.
No one should be cowed under those eyes;
better to soil your pants or rape a twelve year old in public
than fall prey to insecure vultures.

Laughter, creeps, creeps and laughter!
As pleasure is inverted guilt,
anyone having a good day
is living at someone else's expense.

I feel I should preface this. My thoughts on this are in contrast to others but I respect others viewpoints and beliefs - I just don't agree.

"better to soil your pants or rape a twelve year old in public" - this line is very good and stands out - it's shows you are brave enough to take on a this subject matter but you need to make the rest a lot darker. I really like where the poem takes me - to a world that is depraved and sinful but it needs more immoral imagery else you're writing the Mr Men book of horror. I would try and tune the rest of this to such abhorrent acts and show them taken as normal behavior.

On a final note I'd remove the term "underworld" maybe "populating this vile world". It's too common and doesn't have the right meaning anymore. Create a vision of your own viciously horrid world and let it exist wherever the reader decides.