A Crow Reincarnated edit 0.000001 billy

[tectak]

Look to the crow, hung spiked on the wire, wind torn and tied. -- I might write "at" instead of "to."
Dead by the lead that flew to his calls,
blooding black feather, searing inside;
watch as he falls.
Look to the body that swings from the tree, hollow and dried. --- Seems to be about a lynching victim, or another hung person, whose been hanging awhile.
Death dealt by demons, holy men all, -Demon might run the risk of weighing the poem down with suggestions about morality. "dealt" could also be a better word and "death" may be represented in a more concrete way.
whose merciless gods walk by their side. -- Same goes for merciless that applied to demons, but I feel it is less laden than demons, that could be an idiosyncrasy though.
Face to the wall. --- Seems to be a reference to the wailing wall.

Look to the crow that died without cause, as others will, too. -- Again, maybe "at" instead of "to"
Croak into blackness, silence the dawn,
keep secret beliefs; next it is you
to be reborn. -- I actually kind of like that this line doesn't rhyme. The salience level goes up, so to speak.

tectak
2014

I feel this poem could be made better by adding a sort of matter-of-factness to it. Interesting choice for the scheme though. Thanks for posting.

Thanks, brownlie, for your considered crit. Your pivotal end comment may bring changes. I did, indeed, try to write this in a matter-of-fact way, it being an attempt to rationalise the prevalent attitude to death, as portrayed daily in the media, by making the metaphorical crow the symbol of an inconsequential death. Dead crows look alike to men...dead men look alike to (carrion) crows...and like indistinguishable man, one from the other, crows just keep on coming...each a pictorial reincarnation of another.
The value of life is daily diminished by reports of demonical religious fanaticism (that is kind. I could say "belief" and did so in the poem) and it appalls me that we are becoming case-hardened to this tendency in an almost progressive way. Dead men beheaded, blown up, or hung from trees are becoming as inconsequential as crows shot and hung on barbed wire.
The "face to the wall" is a common expression of lack of concern...turn (or look) the other way. That is all.
I don't want to explain the allegorical points in this too clearly because that way over complicates whatever simple message the reader can take away from the read. If that sound a little anal on my part it is because the piece was written on a contemporaneous whim and was clearer to me when I wrote it than it is now! The defence rests. Oh, and "dawn" rhymes with "born" where I come from!
Best,
tectak