11-27-2014, 08:06 AM
Maybe the sex insinuation is a bit too strong...
Anyways, I get THAT part. Its everything around it that confuses me.
I would suggest a correction on the first line, but I honestly don't know what it means... I suppose, firstly, that one does not have a "piece" of water - a drop, perhaps? And then, "leaves a likely rock touch," but what is a "rock touch?"
The next two lines, "and touch is what is / those legs of yours" I appreciate the tie back to that elusive first line, but how can legs BE touch, know what I mean? I think that part just needs to be re-worded.
Lastly, "and what is me and what is you" doesn't seem to quite belong where it is, unless you added a new line after it...
But yeah. Just a lot of clarification would be nice.
....
and, you know... maybe don't be so blunt.
Anyways, I get THAT part. Its everything around it that confuses me.
I would suggest a correction on the first line, but I honestly don't know what it means... I suppose, firstly, that one does not have a "piece" of water - a drop, perhaps? And then, "leaves a likely rock touch," but what is a "rock touch?"
The next two lines, "and touch is what is / those legs of yours" I appreciate the tie back to that elusive first line, but how can legs BE touch, know what I mean? I think that part just needs to be re-worded.
Lastly, "and what is me and what is you" doesn't seem to quite belong where it is, unless you added a new line after it...
But yeah. Just a lot of clarification would be nice.
....
and, you know... maybe don't be so blunt.