11-27-2014, 04:15 AM
Cute poem! Sums up an entire lifetime. 
Just a few things:
Stanza 3, line 3: "untamed" instead of "not tamed" would sound less clunky.
Stanza 4, line 3: Children aren't wrong... about what? Also, maybe stick to the stanza's locust theme for this line - throwing children in there was kind of a random topic change, and felt out of place...
Lastly, I noticed that stanzas 3, 4, and 6 completely lacked punctuation, while the others had at least a comma in there somewhere. Going off of that, the only period in the whole poem is in stanza 2 - I would either get rid of it, or add them to the rest of the poem where necessary.
Anyways, great job - Happy Writing!
Just a few things:Stanza 3, line 3: "untamed" instead of "not tamed" would sound less clunky.
Stanza 4, line 3: Children aren't wrong... about what? Also, maybe stick to the stanza's locust theme for this line - throwing children in there was kind of a random topic change, and felt out of place...
Lastly, I noticed that stanzas 3, 4, and 6 completely lacked punctuation, while the others had at least a comma in there somewhere. Going off of that, the only period in the whole poem is in stanza 2 - I would either get rid of it, or add them to the rest of the poem where necessary.
Anyways, great job - Happy Writing!