11-26-2014, 05:36 PM
(09-23-2014, 03:49 AM)Mwaba don Wrote: Solemnly so, one finds oneself to be,Hello mwaba,
in a state of being for a longtime in loneliness,
a Solitariness born of emptiness
In search of a longing so deep, love!
Love, it lays hidden in illusionary spaces
confined in vehemence in wait to be brought out,
what better way to put it?
Love is Work!
Truly all love is work,
for all work moves forces
in collisions of agreements or disagreements
but out of it all, understanding.
Understanding! A great delight,
peace and awareness dwell in it
and in its awareness, pathways
to fulfillment of ones desires.
Certainly, all Work is Love
for one can work towards ones joys,
thus, when we work we make love,
for the fruit of it is Joy.
Truly, all love is work,
surely one must meditate on love, which is work,
and through patience,
surely something will happen!
Though this comment could be made via a PM I believe it will benefit you and crits on this site equally. I note that you thrive elsewhere in an atmosphere of sycophancy and eulogy. This site is not for show- casing your work but has as its ethos the admittedly high-minded aim of IMPROVING poetry in all the many forms, genres and styles presented here. Of course, good work, by individual's standards, will be commented on simplistically though we discourage the awesome wowsers at every turn. Such praise is pointless and encourages mediocrity.
You will find, therefore, that an ambience exists here that you may not, as yet, be acclimatised to. Stick with us. We are here to offer honest and generally informed critique. Very little is beyond improvement. That is worth remembering. In your case you suffer from a form of word-creep. Your use of language is poor and made seemingly poorer because you DO have complex concepts. As, a result, you stretch and mangle both words and syntax until the long-suffering crit sees nothing but wreckage...you, of course, think the same way as you write and cannot "see" the problem.
No one will critique your work maliciously...but if more than one commentator makes the same point, you would be well advised to take note. Or, as you might say, " Intention! Preach pounced stagnatingly: waited surreptition comes."
Ahem.
Very best,
tectak

