11-25-2014, 06:22 AM
Thanks Thumper.
I like part of that, but you blew the syllable count all to shit, and you changed my kireji (mop) from a noun to a verb although I guess it could still provide the same function (fulcrum). I think for last line I might do this:
"bleach water floods floor"
At back you,
dale
I redid the poem, just for you mel
I like part of that, but you blew the syllable count all to shit, and you changed my kireji (mop) from a noun to a verb although I guess it could still provide the same function (fulcrum). I think for last line I might do this:
"bleach water floods floor"
At back you,
dale
I redid the poem, just for you mel
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.