11-24-2014, 03:23 PM
I pray.
I breathe.
I feel the blanket of shame
Entrapped in a stunning stress break point
Layered from years of lies
Lies from the entangled mesh of a smile/frown twist. (don't use/ in your writing)
Years of forgetting that I have a voice.
Years of forgetting that I have my choice.
On my knees beneath His sky, I rise.
Refusing to regret one step in truth.
I turn around embraced by my Creator, my Father, my God.
Unwrapped to my life-breathed face.
I know His voice, I feel my choice
I forget my pain and beat my heart.
Consume His Love forever light
My breast expands, a sanctuary, now.
I can forget, He has and did.
I live, the infinite - Heaven IS.
I like your message, the last line definitely gets your point across. I feel like perhaps you could have built up your message a little better in order to beef it up a little. Your comma placement is interesting but I'm not opposed to it.
I breathe.
I feel the blanket of shame
Entrapped in a stunning stress break point
Layered from years of lies
Lies from the entangled mesh of a smile/frown twist. (don't use/ in your writing)
Years of forgetting that I have a voice.
Years of forgetting that I have my choice.
On my knees beneath His sky, I rise.
Refusing to regret one step in truth.
I turn around embraced by my Creator, my Father, my God.
Unwrapped to my life-breathed face.
I know His voice, I feel my choice
I forget my pain and beat my heart.
Consume His Love forever light
My breast expands, a sanctuary, now.
I can forget, He has and did.
I live, the infinite - Heaven IS.
I like your message, the last line definitely gets your point across. I feel like perhaps you could have built up your message a little better in order to beef it up a little. Your comma placement is interesting but I'm not opposed to it.